The Canal without the C

I’ll be honest with you. I’ve never put a banana down the canal without the c.

Or actually, since this is supposed to be *uncensored* let me rephrase that.

I haven't had anal sex. Yet.

Fingering, yes, rimming, yes. (Which I find so hot btw.) I’ve even recently made progress with some tiny little butt plugs. But(t) full blown anal penetration with a peen? I’m not ready.

Literally.

Many people who are curious about anal don't seem to realise that you mostly can’t just wake up one day and decide to just do it. You’ve got to prepare for a while with much, much smaller things first. And with lots of lube.

Depending on how diligent you are, that prep can take a few weeks, or a few months, or in my case, well, it’s been a few years. Because till now, I have not. been. diligent.

Try being a full time content creator turned full time entrepreneur while also trying to be a good daughter and eat healthy and get enough sleep and exercise and tell me if you also have time to train your butt hole. 🥲

Luckily life is long. And I have been thinking about anal play a lot lately. For a number of reasons.

1. Because I’m curious about it

2. Because you’re curious about it

3. Because I want to launch some butt toys

4. Because you want me to launch some butt toys :)

In fact, as an online sex educator for over 8 years, anal has consistently been one of the topics I get the MOST questions about. Usually with a signature combination of hope and fear (“I really want to try anal but I’m also really scared”), or desire and disgust (“anal seems hot but also, what if there’s poop?”) And always with a ton of curiosity (“can you pleaseeeee talk about anal!”)

In porn, the place where, let’s face it, even more people go to access information about sex, anal is one of the most popular categories with 130,903 videos uploaded to PornHub alone, at the time of this writing. Clearly there’s just something about the backdoor that gets us all hot and bothered.

So here we are. Figuring our way down the canal without the C. Welcome.

A lot of the portrayal of anal sex in porn, pop culture, and other mainstream media tends to skip over how, let’s say, challenging, anal sex can really be. As I’ve already mentioned, it’s not actually possible to push a large item into your butt without pain if you haven’t practiced with much, much smaller things first. Like as small as the tip of a finger. It’s usually recommended you train with a set of butt plugs, moving over time from one as small as your pinky, to a slightly bigger one and then a slightly bigger one and so on, till you can comfortably accommodate something the size of a penis. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate so lube is not optional, it’s positively mandatory. Every time and always. Lots and lots of lube. Anal without lube is just about the stupidest thing you should never try.

There are many other moving parts to consider, none more important than the other, so let’s just start with the most obvious - poop. If you want to try anal, you need to face facts. You may indeed encounter poop. If you’ve already pooped beforehand, and washed properly, it’s much less likely.

To be perfectly frank, I’m quite horrified at the thought of a partner putting even just a finger up my butt only for it to come out with a tiny bit of brown. But of course, this is me thinking about it while sitting at my computer on a Monday afternoon, not even the least bit aroused. It’s remarkable what we are able to do and say when we are turned on.

If you do chance upon some, shall we say, chocolate surprises during your treasure hunt, it’s not the end of the world. Wash up. Use condoms. Don’t put toys, fingers, or a penis that has been in or around a butt into a vagina without washing up first. That’s a recipe for a UTI.

For most of my sexual life thus far, rimming and fingering was the extent of the anal play I wanted. I could happily have a partner I adore eat my ass out for as long as they want. And when a lover has worked my clit and vag with enough generosity and dexterity to make my head spin, adding in some gentle external anal fingering can take me over the edge. But I didn’t really want anything more. For over a decade, anal penetration just seemed too painful and maybe even just too psychologically intense for me. I wasn’t ready to go there. For quite a lot of people, rimming and fingering is the extent of the butt stuff they ever want to explore, and that’s fine. Not wanting to do anything butt related at all is also fine. Your boundaries are yours to draw. There is no pressure to try anything you don’t want to.

For me, I certainly have to be in a state of extreme arousal to want to add backdoor play to the mix. There absolutely has to first be a lot of high quality kissing, breast play, clitoral play, vaginal play, rimming, and dirty talk before I am anywhere near ready to have something actually enter my butt hole. There have been less than a handful of times in my 34 years of life when I’ve been comfortable enough with a partner to want to try more than a finger, but trust me, you can’t just decide to do anal. As I’ve hinted, this shit takes effort.

And that’s why this year, as I figure out what butt toys to launch, I’ve decided to figure out whether or not I enjoy anal penetration by myself. If there’s one thing toys have taught me, it’s that properly exploring your body and pleasure alone first, especially as a woman, allows for much more fulfilling and informed partnered experiences.

There are a variety of ways you can clean yourself in preparation for anal play. I just make sure I’ve had a good poop already in the day, and I wash the outside with soap and water. Some people douche but there are risks involved so please consult a doctor before you do that.

At this point I sound like a broken record about lube, but for those of you who have experienced the joys of it, I know you feel me. Don’t go anywhere near a butt without lube.

Let me give you my personal recipe for what I’ve been doing. For me, and most women I know, the key to unlocking pleasure is clitoral stimulation. So if you have a vulva, I’d start out with that, then add in vaginal stimulation. I like starting with Pyaari, a clitoral stimulator, then adding in Jaadugar, an internal toy, and using both together. When you’re truly and properly aroused, try putting one finger tip, with lube, near the rim of your butt to try out how it feels. I’ve been adding in a tiny little butt plug – one as small as my little finger.

PSA - butt plugs are meant to remain in place, not move in and out. You just insert it and leave it there. It stimulates the anus simply by filling it up, and it trains the opening to get comfortable with insertion.

Butt plug shopping in Berlin

Even if you’re using the smallest size (of finger or butt plug), it might not go all the way in on your first try. Don’t force it if it feels uncomfortable or painful. Your anal sphincter muscles need to relax first, so try some deep breathing exercises and try to relax. You might barely get the tip in the first few times.

Eventually, when it pops into place, leave it there for a while.

Continue stimulating your clit and vagina with toys. See how all those new sensations feel to you. If you want to graduate to the next size of butt plug, plug away! If you hate the sensation, don’t do anything you don’t want to! And if you are still on the fence, then keep at it and see where it all leads you.

This is how you train your butthole.

Okay, so I’ve more or less laid out what you need to do to train for backdoor penetration. But I’ve also been interested in the overarching, shall we say, obsession (?) with anal. Part of it is the allure to something new, something that might not be a part of your everyday sex. Since I don’t have a penis, I can’t fully relate to the feeling of wanting to try it from that end, but I can relate to the desire to have someone play with my ass in that way!

While I haven’t had anal sex, and I still feel unsure about trying it, I have always loved how rimming feels. For me, there is a profound sense of acceptance that comes with a partner wanting to eat your ass out. It adds a whole other dimension of connectedness to intimacy.

And of course, these experiences are not seamless and free of embarrassing moments and confusion. I mean we’ve just gone over all the ways we need to clean ourselves before trying anal (and even then things might get a little messy) so it’s not conducive to being a spontaneous decision. You have to plan and prepare and be vulnerable and willing for things to not go as planned. Maybe you’re thinking, “Gosh when you lay out all the details like this, it sounds so unappealing and unromantic and … weird.”

But when you really stop to think about it, isn’t all sex just fucking weird? When we break down all sex acts into their many different components, it can all seem quite unappealing and unromantic and unhinged. We put each other's genitals in our mouths? We want to smash bodies and mix sweat? When you really isolate sex acts from the context of arousal they can seem so grotesque and bizarre. And yet, within the context of arousal and enthusiastic consent and fiery passion, it can all be so… HOT?

The thing that makes sex, whether anal or otherwise so appealing, then, is our willingness to be vulnerable in the company of other people, and also with ourselves. Few other things can throw us into complete and total oblivion as human beings the way uninhibited sexuality and a soul shattering orgasm can.

As someone who has spent the better part of the last decade more or less obsessed with exploring pleasure, my own and yours, I believe sexual self-discovery is ongoing and infinite. I’m still on my journey and I’m excited to be learning new things. Whether or not your journey includes anal, is up to you, but at least now you have a little more information with which to figure if you want to venture through the back door.

May your piché play be peachy!